From Gap to Gain: The Mindset That Helps Mums Achieve More Every Day
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I’ve always loved reading, but since becoming a mum and balancing work, life, and everything in between, audiobooks have become my go-to way to absorb knowledge. I recently finished 10x is Easier Than 2x by Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy, which revolves around the concept that achieving extraordinary goals (10x results) is often easier than incremental improvements (2x).
The book argues that we can do much more with less if we just concentrate on the 20% of our actions that bring about the biggest results, instead of the 80% of time we spend on things that give us little to no value, like housekeeping or watching TV. According to the authors, if we let these things go, we can do 10x better.
The premise immediately appealed to me as I have a chronic drive to be productive. 10x returns on my efforts? Sign me up!
However, as I got deeper into the book—one of the exercises is to jot down the 80% of the things that don’t directly relate to your future dream—it dawned on me that perhaps this idea wasn’t for me. My 80% consisted entirely of household tasks and caring for my kid and family.
Looking back at all the audiobooks that I’ve listened to so far, I noticed a stark pattern with my consumption of self-development and startup books. I’d start an audiobook excited and pumped up about achieving my goals, but then abruptly stop listening altogether. Why? Because about halfway through, listeners are inevitably called to “do the work”, to “go all in”, and “concentrate 100%” on their dreams if they want to even fathom a reality where these dreams exist.
As a working mum who already feels like there is no time to do anything, this just feels like too big of an ask.
Why Mums Should Dare to Dream: Overcoming Guilt and Self-Doubt
Daring to dream as a mum can stir up a range of emotions: guilt (how can I work on a personal project when I should be focusing on my 2-year-old?), despair (how can I “all in” on my goals when I barely time to sleep?), and finally, defeatism (how can I aim for 10x when I’m struggling to do even 2x?)
As I looked at my list of things that don’t contribute towards the 10x goal—like “putting Awan to sleep at night”, “making family meals”, and “visiting family”—I realized that for mums, there is so much in the “now” that requires attention. The list is so urgent and endless that it seems impossible to entertain any kind of dream, big or small.
At the time of writing this article, I am 5 months pregnant with my second child, and the expanded to-do lists push out any time or space for personal goals and dreams.
As one reviewer for 10x is Easier Than 2x on Goodreads puts it: (The book) is definitely full of useful nuggets, but I felt like the whole book was oozing with male privilege. Both the male authors have been able to do their “10x” work because they have wives at home taking care of the household and family tasks, plus an assortment of female work assistants that are mentioned throughout the book. Benjamin even says his own wife had her “10x” moment when they hired a childminder for a few hours so she could work on cleaning the house. I’m guessing that if his wife was asked whether “cleaning the house” is the high-level 10x work she was born to do, she would not agree.
How Mums Are Already Achieving 10x Results Every Day
Despite agreeing with this brilliant review, I was also determined to get out of this audiobook funk—and ultimately, a defeatist mindset—by at least finishing the whole audiobook. And boy, was glad I did!
One of the chapters asked me to look back at my life and see where I have made 10x jumps in the past. The exercise was supposed to give me the confidence and courage to jump 10x again, while expounding on this idea that we must always be in the “gain”, not the “gap”. The concept of the Gap and the Gain is a mindset framework designed to help people achieve greater happiness and motivation by shifting how they evaluate their progress and goals.
I wrote down the times when I had the biggest shifts in my life, assuming they would be milestones and achievements when I was single and striving in a big law firm. Turns out, this was far from the truth.
I was surprised to find that I’d had multiple proverbial 10x jumps in my life, even after I got married and became a mum. Like when I decided to do my Master’s degree at the University of Cambridge, or started my own women’s NGO and won a grant while pregnant with my firstborn, or attended international YSEALI fellowship events with my infant daughter in tow. Or more recently, when I enrolled in teacher training with the Oxford Mindfulness Foundation and the Mindfulness in Schools Project, despite being pregnant again.
The Gap vs Gain Mindset: A Mum’s Path to Greater Happiness and Success
Through this exercise, I realized how often I’ve been trapped in a “Gap mindset” without even knowing it. The Gap mindset is when we measure ourselves against an ideal, perfect vision or goal we’ve yet to reach. For example, a mum with a demanding schedule who compares her life to an idealized version of “perfect work-life balance” might find herself frustrated by everything she perceives as falling short.
In contrast, the Gain mindset encourages us to measure progress against our past selves. Instead of measuring ourselves against an unreachable ideal, we focus on where we started and celebrate how far we’ve come. Like what mindfulness promotes, this approach fosters gratitude, self-compassion, and motivation, as we see evidence of our growth and achievements.
With the Gain mindset, the same mum might look back to see how far she has come, acknowledging her ability to juggle work, parenting, and self-care even in small ways. The focus shifts from what’s missing to what’s been gained, which strengthens resilience and reinforces a positive self-view.
Setting Future 10x Goals as a Mum: How to Dream Big and Achieve More
Sitting here, reviewing my 10x jumps of the past, it’s hard to believe my report card for the last 10 years. I can’t help but notice that I wrote “being Awan’s mum” as a 10x jump. Without even realizing it, I was able to raise a human with literally zero experience. Two years later, Awan is this beautiful tiny human being who loves animals, marshmallows, and swimming—how did I manage to pull that off?
As mums, we perform miracles every day, not just with our young ones, but also with our partners, families, and even the work that we do—all while staying sane and hopeful for a better future. Everything is about perspective. We can choose a Gain mindset, which motivates us to continue striving for our dreams, or we can choose to be stuck in the Gap mindset, where we’d always feel like we’re falling short, and eventually lose steam to pursue our goals.
Going back to my earlier list of the 20% of things I want to keep, and the 80% I want to remove, I realized that being a mum makes me want to work harder, dream bigger, and do better, to provide my child with the best that life can offer. Being a mum is my fuel for 10x, not a barrier to it.
I dream of owning a house with a large garden for Awan and her soon-to-arrive baby sister to around in. To achieve this, my next 10x jump looks like running an independent, sustainable business that I love while still having time for family. My future 10x jump can literally be anything that I want— if I have the audacity to dream it.
So, while the idea of “going 10x” may seem tailored for a different world, as mums, we’re already doing the work of giants every day. If we choose to focus on our Gain—to recognize the countless ways we’re already achieving, supporting, and dreaming—our lives are filled with moments that don’t need any trimming. Motherhood is not the barrier to our dreams; it’s the very fuel that lets us dare to dream bigger and strive for the future we want.
